Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
