these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
