i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
