Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
