You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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