the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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