This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
