Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
