Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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