i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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