tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
