and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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