i just had sex bonerless
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
