When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
