If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
