How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
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Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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