I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Pants are for mortals
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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