I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
