Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
