My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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