I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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