in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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