Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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