Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
