You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
