I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
