The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
