sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
