Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
