She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
