i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
