i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
