Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
