im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
