Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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