Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
