Can Purell be used as lube?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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