I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
