I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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