Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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