She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
that may or may not have been my penis.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
