no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
