Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
