If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
