i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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