My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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