This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
