What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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