if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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