i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She even gives head with a lisp.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
