Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
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he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
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Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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