peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
