Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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