Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
