I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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