So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she looked like the before picture.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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