you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
