may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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