just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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