new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
