If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
