party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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