I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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