im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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