It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
