If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
